Loss

There is something about taking care of a small child that makes everything else secondary. I have lost someone very close to me that I love dearly. So much is going on with her funeral tommorow that with helping with that and taking care of Sophie I barley have time to think. In difficult situations someone is always the rock and the other is the basketcase. When it is between you and an eight month old, you have to be the rock. I noticed this earlier in the day but it had not hit me until just now when I put her to bed. No one needs my undivided attention. I do not need to worry about naptimes, wet diapers or being an entertainer. Then it hits you. The gravity of the situation floods your brain.
My daughter has met our entire family at funerals this year. This will be our third since January 09. Fortunately when you put a happy smiling child in the arms of someone crying, inevitably the crying stops. We had tried this theory out quite a bit.
Since we have become veterans at being prepared for funerals and wakes, here are a few tips.
The moment you arrive find out where a quiet place is to feed your child- or private if you are breastfeeding.
bring a pashmina or decorative scarf- I have used mine to cover up spit up on many areas of my shirt and also for breastfeeding. Bring a quiet entertaining toy. I recommend a fabric book – they can eat it or read it.
It is also good to bring ( in your diaper bag) a sippy cup or bottle in case you need consoling someone else can feed them. If your child is sleeping, let them. I had a lot of people who wanted to hold Sophie and she became upset with all the new people trying to take her away. I left her in her carseat (bucket) sleeping for as long as I could and was able to be there for my loved ones for the majority of the funerals. As she has grown out of her bucket, I intend on bring the Ergo carrier in hopes that she sleeps and does not shriek or cry during the funeral when she would normally be having a nap.
Lastly have an exit strategy. Sit on the end of an isle and know the route if you need to travel outside of the funeral procession. Don’t forget tissues. You will hear “Oh____ would have loved to see _____ doing _____. It is never easy and does not get better. At the very least you will be prepared.